gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
