I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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