Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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