literally had 100 drinks last night.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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