I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
