Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
