"it" just moved
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
