I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
