i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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