remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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