The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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