Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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