Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You pole danced in your parka.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
