I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
