apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
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