I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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