Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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