Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
