grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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