WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
