I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
