i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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