What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
