I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
