Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Do vagina's smell?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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