Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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