Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
sarcasm needs its own font
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
