Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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