I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm sobbing to NWA
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
