Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
