hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
