She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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