If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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