Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
