Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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