Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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