Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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