Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
