Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
