My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
