Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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