i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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