I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
