3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
