she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
