evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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