nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
