I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
