He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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