Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize