My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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