Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
3 2 1 whiskey
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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