The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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