What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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