you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
