actually, I'm a sock model
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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