I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize