Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
