NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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