Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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