Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
