Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
