i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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