What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
