I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
