White coat. Heels.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
how drunk are you?
Several
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
