I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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