Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm too high and old for this...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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