Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
