Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
