I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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